My beau and I regularly talk about the future. Though we have dating for a relatively short period of time, we openly discuss issues concerning marriage and children. Both of us want to establish our careers in the DC area, but neither of us currently live there. Problem was, shortly before we started dating I made the decision to make a pit stop in Portland, OR – the exact opposite side of the country from Beau – on my way to DC. Beau had no interest in moving out to the foreign Pacific NW, but wanted to move to the DC area, with hopes that I would make my way out there in a few years. Yeah, making our relationship one expensive frequent flyer promo.
Anyway… one day, out of the clear blue sky, Beau tells me [paraphrased, "I don't want to stay in NY another year. But I probably won't go straight to DC after. I'm open to other places." Now, I think it's safe to say we alllll know what he meant was, "babe, I wanna be with YOU in random arse Portland!!" But nonetheless, I played my part, and begged him to consider the Land of Port! So lately, many of our conversations have been centered around him relocating here in the near future. I, of course, would be THRILLED to have him here, living in the same city, but I also want him to find a job where he can be happy and productive and jump start his career. I want him here, but I want him to be happy with his job situation more. So ya girl has been hard at work trying to make dreams come true!
As the universe would have it, there has been lots of talk about various avenues (namely the blogosphere) on LDRs and who should move and at what point in the relationship. In the last month, Beau as made the following comments to me: "Babe... if I move to Portland, we're never breaking up!" & "Babe... if you want me to move to Portland, you have to put a ring on it!"
LOL ummm aight then! As funny and silly as I thought there comments were, I couldn't help but think more seriously about these statements. I have questions!
In serious long distance relationships, should a person only relocate only if they're talking "forever"?
I'm inclined to say yes. This has been a topic I've discussed a lot with a couple friends who are in LDRs too. The consensus seems to be they'll only move if a ring is involved. I mean, physically, moving is a pain in the butt and can be very costly depending on where you're moving. I find moving to also be very emotionally and mentally taxing. Unless there is job opportunity in the new city that is too good to pass up, and the city was a place I'd move with or without #him in the picture, I don't think I could/would do it. If the relationship didn't work out AND you were in a city you hate AND your job was whack?? Oh hell no! Ain't gon be no "let's just see how it goes." I need to know how its going to go a.k.a. you and me us never part... All that to say, it looks like me and Beau are gonna be together forever, and that's fine with me!
Should a woman ever be expected to put a ring on her man?
After he told me I had to put a ring on it, I asked Beau if he would even wear an engagement ring. His response? "You know I'm too traditional for all that." LOL well why you ask then?! For the most part, I'm pretty traditional about marriage too. But I'm not opposed to going against tradition either. I only know one man who was proposed to by his [now] wife and had an engagement ring (in fact, he told me he accepted the proposal with the understanding he would get a ring to symbolize it). Oddly enough, I liked the idea. I admire that a woman would be bold enough to propose to her man, and that a man would be secure enough to rock an engagement ring from his woman. I’m too vain and enjoy surprises too much to take the leap to be the one to propose, but I really want to see this woman putting a ring on it trend emerge. Independent chicks out here wanna be the head of the household but can’t ask her partner for his hand in marriage?? SMH I want to know what feminists have to say about this! LOL no but seriously..
So my good friends, what do y’all think?? How do you feel about moving for LDRs? Any thoughts or feelings about a woman putting a ring on it? Do people over thing these details?