A Case of the Ex

No need for this thing anymore... #deuces

Last week one of my exes took me out to dinner and a movie for my birthday. I won’t go into detail about how are why this even came to be. I’ll just say, over the past couple months, we have been on very amicable terms. The conversations we’ve had over the last few weeks have been pleasant, sweet even. So I took a chance and said yes.

As my ex made small talk with my roommate, who’d answered the door when he came to pick me up, I couldn’t help but remember all the many times throughout our quazi-relationship1 he’d disappear for a few weeks or months and then reappear as if nothing had ever happened. I can’t tell you how many times I’d told my friends I was done with him and then shortly thereafter having to confess to them that I was seeing him again2. He never managed to stay away for long. So when I saw him chatting it up with my roommate, like it was the old days, I couldn’t help but blurt out the obvious, “he’s like a bad penny–he keeps coming back.” He even laughed and, to my surprise, nodded without dispute! He knows what he is! And in all honesty, he isn’t the first (and may not be the last) of my exes who keeps trying to pop back onto the scene.

You see, I’ve never been able to completely cut  some one off–be it a friend, family member, or boo-piece. I don’t have the will or desire to never want speak to some one again because of tension/friction/bad blood/etc. Distance myself from them? Yes. But sever ties or burn bridges? Almost never. I tend to be very forgiving and willing to let bygones be bygones for the sake of [my] peace and harmony. I don’t usually initiate the mending of broken friendships/relationships, but I don’t shun it either.

I think it’s my willingness to be amiable with people who have wronged me–namely ex boo pieces–is why I have a steady flow of bad pennies re-enter my life. Though I make it clear that I want nothing romantically to do with these BPs(<~~see why I did there?), they still try to rekindle what we once had and try to right the wrongs of the past, even though I express no interest in doing the same. With urgency the BP tries to convince me of how much he’s changed and why I should reconsider his offer of love and affection. The question of “can we start over?” is inevitably asked, and for a second I give it a thought. For a second I consider how things might be different this time around, now that we’ve had some space apart to get it together. For a second I consider that perhaps the timing was bad before and now was our right time. For a second I consider if the BP will be the “one that got away” because I couldn’t see his early potential. For a second I consider the rest of my life with the BP.

But only for a second. Because, after all, a bad penny is [for all intents and purposes] worthless and unwanted. If I am to ultimately reach my goal of being in a long lasting, happy relationship, I must save for my future and build my good fortune on something of value, and bad pennies just don’t pay out.

I don’t regret any of my past romantic relationships, despite how unpleasant some of them were. Each relationship has taught me something about myself (and others), and I’m wiser because of it. And while I think people and circumstances can change for the better, most of my relationships are better left in the past!

So tell me folks, do you have any “bad penny” exes who just keep coming back into your life? Do you even allow contact between you and your exes? Have you ever gotten back with an ex and regretted it later? Have you ever not gotten back with an ex and regretted it later?

Seeing a bad penny, passing it up,
~Gemmie

———————–
Though we were dating exclusively, to say we were in a “committed relationships” would be a stretch. To me, “dating exclusively” simply means 2 people are dating and being intimate only with each other. A committed relationship, on the other hand, is more of a deliberate decision to be in a courtship that has long term potential,  likely with the intention to be married.
My close circle of friends (which includes my roommate) is tight, so not much gets by them. If one knows, they all know. And when I’m confronted about anything by one, I’m confronted by all.
To be clear, not all of my exes are what I’d consider “bad pennies.”

About these ads

, ,

  1. #1 by MsEvaHoney on July 20, 2011 - 3:52 am

    I think if by the time you reach a certain age, most women and men do have at least one “case of the ex”. I have also found in most cases, that they are an “ex” for a reason and they need to stay that way.

    • #2 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:16 pm

      I have also found in most cases, that they are an “ex” for a reason and they need to stay that way.

      indeed

  2. #3 by Ivy St. on July 20, 2011 - 6:33 am

    I am pretty good at cutting ex’s off mainly because of my constant change in geography. I have only kept in contact with one ex. He happens to be my most recent ex. If anything, he does all the work to contact me. Allowing him to keep in contact with me at this point is a reminder of how much better off I am now.
    I can see it being hard to let go of an ex who hasn’t directly wronged you. Really, I am probably more guilty of not making boyfriends ex’s sooner. With my most recent ex, I continued that relationship a good four months after it died. That period was more like the round-about dating that happens when we go back to an ex. The positive to that is that by the time the end had come, I was more than through.
    Sometimes we just have to find a way to get someone out our sytem. In some cases less blatent, it is hard to decide whether one is making the right decision to quit the relationship. I wish you the best. While your friends have the best intentions, it is up to you to decide who you need to quit or try to make it work with.

    • #4 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:20 pm

      Allowing him to keep in contact with me at this point is a reminder of how much better off I am now.

      i feel the same way.

      The positive to that is that by the time the end had come, I was more than through.

      ive written about this before, but i agree that once you decide to really end something, it usually cant be undone. and thats how i feel about most of my “relationships” that go on much longer than they deserve, even knowing that it wont ever work out in the way i want it to. and though i may be completely through, i dont ever completely cut off contact. which is probably why i keep having a case of the ex…

  3. #5 by fashionablytardy on July 20, 2011 - 9:51 am

    Good post Gem Boo!

    I don’t think of my ex as a bad penny. Maybe just that quarter that you find when you’re 25 cents short of being able to buy something that you really don’t need – like a snickers bar. He always comes back when I let the icebox where my heart used to be melt a little. And offers me that last bit that I’m missing on the way to huge hips and muffin tops. smh, makes no cents (haha, I had to make a money joke – it was just sitting there. wide open.)

    • #6 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:25 pm

      Maybe just that quarter that you find when you’re 25 cents short of being able to buy something that you really don’t need – like a snickers bar.

      lol love this. and i understand the sentiment completely. and some times, perhaps a little QT with the ex is just what you needed for a snapshot in time. its knowing when to give him up again that’s the trick.

  4. #7 by jouromeo on July 20, 2011 - 10:15 am

    Maybe that coin, glued to the ground in a childish prank. To think I ever possessed them would be my biggest mistake. I’ve walked by them several times in the ebbs and flows of my triumphs & failures.

    Too many Sagey Bears Miss Lady. Actually, 1 Sagey is too many.

    • #8 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:28 pm

      Maybe that coin, glued to the ground in a childish prank. To think I ever possessed them would be my biggest mistake.

      hmmm interesting perspective. care to elaborate and why this is so?

  5. #9 by mackaroto on July 20, 2011 - 10:19 am

    Love that you have footnotes to your post. =)

  6. #11 by Corrin31 on July 20, 2011 - 10:35 am

    I love this post hun! It’s funny to me becasue latley relationships esp long lasting ones, marraige, and my future have been on my mind. Let me say that NON of my ex’s speak to me except two and one is simply just a hi and bye kinda thing while the other has kinda forced himself into my life and won’t leave. Yesterday as I was talking to a friend of mine like “when will it be my turn” she told me “when you start acting like you want a turn, stop dating men who don’t want a relationship and eventually marraige and start dating those who do.”This stuck with me and I thought about it all night. And as much as I hate to admit it she was right. I had been so stuck on one of my ex’s that i only dated to pass the time until we eventually starting talking again. And as usual, we would talk,then he’d fall off or piss me off and we would be right back to sqaure one again. After I eventually got pass the idea of anythng ever coming of us,it was like he then had a bat signal every time any other dating attempts went sour. He would start calling,doing things he knew I liked or just being there to make me smile and feel good again. For a while it pissed me off that he would be the one to get laughing and smiling and i also began to wonder if i was missing out on something (with him). I say this to say that BP’s ,I think ,are a nesscesary part of life. They are like the inevitable toll tag on the road of life that we must pass in order to get where we need to be. That being said I still talk to my one BP (see 2nd part of 2nd sentence lol) and though I don’t look at him in that way I can strangely/honestly say we have one heck of a fuctional dysfunctional friendship!

    *excuse any spelling errors I’m writing in between an experiment*

    • #12 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:37 pm

      He would start calling,doing things he knew I liked or just being there to make me smile and feel good again.

      yeah, this is how they suck you in and make you start to think “yeah, maybe we can do this”. you start to remember and reminisce on all the reasons why you were with him in the first place, and how good things were. and then he does something shady or stupid to snap you back to reality and also remember why you broke up in the first damn place.

      while i dont think BPs are NECESSARY, they are definitely a part of life, and they can help you see what it is you truly want in a relationship and what you’re willing to settle for.

      and though i enjoy the company of my recent BP, and we too have a function dysfunctional relationship, i cant say that i miss him or want him back in my life as a significant other.

      thanks for sharing, sis!!

  7. #13 by madscientist7 on July 20, 2011 - 10:41 am

    So tell me folks, do you have any “bad penny” exes who just keep coming back into your life?

    i have one particular ex who pops back up into my life. at this point i’m not even mad about it. lol i actually enjoy her company from time to time.

    Do you even allow contact between you and your exes?

    i have some exes that i wouldn’t contact or if they tried to contact me i wouldn’t return texts or pick up the phone.

    Have you ever gotten back with an ex and regretted it later?

    i haven’t technically gotten back with an as far as a relationship. i think when you decide to part ways with a person its for a reason. you should continue looking forward.

    great read.

    • #14 by gemmieboo on July 20, 2011 - 12:39 pm

      i haven’t technically gotten back with an as far as a relationship. i think when you decide to part ways with a person its for a reason. you should continue looking forward.

      its so easy to get back into certain errr uhh extracurricular activities with an ex, because its some one you know and feel comfortable will. and there was obviously something good about them for you to have been with them in the first place. but the good feelings are usually temporary and all the reason why you arent with them surface. i definitely think most exes should stay in the past where they belong.

      thanks for sharing.

  8. #15 by BP on July 20, 2011 - 1:09 pm

    This is a great post. I have one past relationship that keeps popping back up. It seems like I can not shake him. He is a good dude so I can’t call him a “BP” (love that name for more reasons than one…lol) but recently I gave him “the talk”. I still struggle with staying in contact with him because if anything he was a great friend. I too have a problem of letting the past go and burning bridges. Great post Gem!

  9. #16 by keisha brown on July 20, 2011 - 2:02 pm

    Gem…did you sneak into my house and read my text messages?

    I’ve been dealing with boomerangs for years now. It’s at the point, where my bff’s and i wonder..who haven’t we heard from?

    I’ve been battling the case of the not quite enough to call him an ex for the past few months, which have reached multiple crescendos in the past few weeks (and as recently as this morning with a text that would normally have the last-word itis + heart going crazy!).

    But when flashes of the good come to me, I have to remember the bad. The tears. The hurt. The frustration. A recent post to Black Girls Are Easy had a line that resonated with me: Love is worth fighting for, but love is not worth the fighting. It is this that keeps me from responding back.

    The but what if is hard to ignore. The cases of getting back together for it to be better than it was before and leading to where you want it to, are the exception, not the rule. The hopeful/hopeless romantics in us (yes..even the goons) want to believe in the possibilities. We need to look more at the probabilities…

    Words are easy. Actions speak louder than them.

    Stay strong and follow your instincts! <3

  10. #17 by ellemarie360 on July 20, 2011 - 2:14 pm

    So tell me folks, do you have any “bad penny” exes who just keep coming back into your life? Do you even allow contact between you and your exes

    I have one in particular who recently decided to make an appearance. I was shocked because the relationship ended so badly, that when he contacted me his nice behavior threw me for a loop. I talked to him and we played catch up. But when he asked to see me and I said NO, then his true personality came out and I remembered why he is my ex. I’m not one for leftovers, so if I’ve had it before and the memory of it wasn’t great, chances are I won’t be trying it again.
    Great Post!!!

  11. #18 by Slim Jackson on July 22, 2011 - 12:24 pm

    I don’t communicate or hear from any of my ex’s except 1…and that’s only to say happy birthday every year on facebook. The others are either married, engaged, or lesbian.

    • #19 by SD on October 5, 2011 - 10:54 am

      damn slim, she up’d n went lezzi on you? how did you even began to deal wit that?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 884 other followers

%d bloggers like this: